05.02 TONY – Green Dot 11.7. at 17:30 – 19:50

„Yeah, I'm finishing something up. Come over,“ he replies after a moment. I feel a wave of relief. I need to talk to someone and Filip is exactly the kind of person who always listens to me. Besides, his tattoo studio in Sapa has a special atmosphere that calms me down. I shove my phone into my pocket and set off.

His studio smells of disinfectant and ink, that peculiar mix that always calms me down. I watch Filip sitting with intense focus at his desk, a pencil in hand, carefully drawing. His movements are precise, every line has its purpose. When I tell him about the dolphin I'd like to get, his eyes light up like a little boy's. I see a spark of enthusiasm in them—that's precisely why I love his work so much. He can always get excited about a new motif.

"I have an idea," he says and picks up a pencil. His hand moves across the paper with incredible certainty. After a moment, he shows me a sketch – simple, elegant. Exactly what I had imagined, but couldn't put into words. "This could be nice here," he points to a spot in the groin area, and I feel a little shy and blush. I feel the heat rising to my cheeks. It's strange, normally I don't get embarrassed, but this is an intimate place and Filip talks about it so matter-of-factly. Filip laughs, clearly reading my embarrassment like an open book. His eyes gleam with amusement, but there's no mockery in it.

We talk about technique, colors, shading. Filip is excited, and so am I. His hands are steady as he prepares the needles. He takes off his T-shirt and I notice his own tattoos. Bands of dark ink stretch across his arms like rivers, each pattern telling its own story. I admire his art right on his skin.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Yeah," I exhale, even though I feel my heart pounding in my throat. My hands are shaking slightly, but I try to hide it.

The needle begins its work. It's a strange feeling – pain mixed with excitement. Every prick is like a small electrical discharge penetrating my body. Filip works with concentration, occasionally looking at me. His eyes briefly meet mine and I hold my breath. His touches are confident, professional. But is there something more to them? My pious wish. Maybe I'm just imagining that the light pressure of his fingers on my skin means something other than regular customer care.

As I approach the exit of Sapa, the sun is already slowly sinking toward the horizon and I – as if I were in Podolí and saw shimmering reflections of light on the pool's surface. The silence around me is calming, but inside me, it's boiling. I'm wearing the new tattoo – a small dolphin that I got on my groin – and I'm happy about it. Nobody knows about it yet. A pleasant feeling floods my body, even though a hint of mystery hides behind it.

I've always been the calm type, but now I feel the adrenaline rising. I stand on the edge of the pool, watching the glistening water below me and, more than ever, I know that once I jump, there will be no turning back. That feeling of freedom is intoxicating. I take a deep breath and try to focus on the technique I've practiced for hundreds of hours. An image of Viktor runs through my head – his silhouette in the water, how he elegantly glides past me. Or was it Tom? I'm so tired in the evening that one image after another is jumping through my head. I don't even know anymore if I'm standing, walking, or if I somehow ended up in the pool again.

I slowly walk toward the edge of the pool, trying to suppress thoughts of Viktor's presence. Why does it occupy me so much? When I remember his smile or the glance he cast my way earlier in the steam room, my body reacts with an unpleasant tension. It's a strange distress and I try to chase it away like a small spider under the bed.

I'd like to go sit with Mrs. Mai Lan for coffee and ice cream with Tom, not Viktor. How nice it would be to be able to be together like this, so carefree! I imagined the two of us, laughing at the table, tasting different kinds of ice cream and sipping Vietnamese coffee with condensed milk. That feeling of normalcy brought me peace.

When I remember Viktor's face, a chill runs down my spine. I feel the connection between us – it's more than just friendship; it's something elusive and terrifying at the same time. But then there's Tom. Or Viktor...? I think of him as a force of nature – immense and uncontrollable.

I trace my thumb again over the gentle line of the tattoo under my pants – it hides that part of my identity from the outside world and from my own fears. It is like a secret book with a story that no one else can read.

Once again my thoughts are back in the water, swimming further away from all worries, thinking of Viktor's personality and his magnetic attraction. I release the tension in my shoulders and focus on the rhythm of my body in the water – every stroke is part of my dance with the depth of the pool.

Still, I can't stop thinking about Tom. His determination during training fascinates me; his desire to be better forces me to come to terms with my own mistakes. He always had that calm perspective on things; he was able to take things as they are—without problems—more than I could.

As I swim closer to the end of the pool, I realize that the water provides me with an escape from reality, but also from my own emotions. I look up at the pool ceiling; I see how the lamps reflect beams of light back into the water like little stars.

Maybe I should call Tom or send him a message? Go grab coffee with him again? What would it feel like to share moments of joy without the fear of what we feel toward each other? That connection between us could be beautiful…

But what will Viktor do? What if something unintended develops between us? What if I end up having to face my own moods, my emotions—and what if I fall in love?

Every movement in the water is—as if I were escaping into fantasy once more—trying to suppress these confused feelings, to get rid of them like the last air bubbles around me…

And yet, the light of truth still shines above my head: we have to find a way to express our feelings—otherwise it will never end…

I stop at the gates of Sapa and swallow hard once more at that imagined breath of courage, then jump back into the rhythm of swimming… I'm raving. I'm delirious. Sapa beats silently and I feel it at my back.