022.08 TOM – Paper Walls Sep 11 at 05:00 – 12:30

The noon sun beats down on the buffet windows, as if made to draw beads of sweat onto the skin. As Viktor and I walk in, I feel my shirt slightly clinging to my back. I don't like this heat. It gives me the feeling of being trapped in something.

I notice them the moment we step inside. Tony and Vera are sitting at a table in the back, heads bowed close together. They're talking quietly, as if sharing some secret. Veronika with her camera in its bag, she didn't even take it out today. Tony is sorting some papers in front of him.

Viktor heads straight for the counter and I follow him, even though I'm drawn elsewhere. To them. My insides are gripped by a feeling I can't quite put into words. It's not just jealousy. It's something more.

"Double espresso, please," Viktor says, and the sound of his voice cuts through the silence of the buffet like a knife. I see Tony raise his head. Our eyes meet for a moment.

Veronika looks at me and something in her expression tells me I'm not welcome. Something between us remains unresolved, but this is no time for that. I see her getting up, packing her things, saying goodbye to Tony. She looks like she'd rather be anywhere else than here with me.

"Hi," she nods in our direction and disappears. She didn't even really look at me.

Viktor and I head over to Tony's. I sit down so I can see the papers he has in front of him. My eyes sweep over their edges, pressed into his palms, and then down his chest, where muscles outline beneath his t-shirt. Something tightens inside me. Worry about what those papers mean. And also that other feeling, the one I refuse to admit to myself.

From the speaker behind the counter, Roxette's "It Must Have Been Love" starts playing. Viktor reaches into his pocket and places a hair tie on the table in front of Tony. A plain, transparent hair tie.

"Seven out, three in, don't forget," he says, and I see Tony smile faintly. That touch of the hair tie between them is like some secret code. Something I don't understand, but I feel is much more intimate than it seems.

The clock above the counter clicks twelve. Tony closes his eyes and exhales. Slowly. I count along with him in my mind. One, two, three… seven. When he opens his eyes, I notice how his gaze has changed. As if something inside him has given way, but at the same time something else has grown stronger.

Under the table, my foot accidentally brushes against his. I don't pull away. Neither does he. Then our knees touch Viktor's leg as well, and the three of us sit there, connected in the most delicate yet strongest possible way. I feel a chill run down my spine, even though it's hot in the room.

There's something strange between us. Friendship, tension, desire—all mixed together like some cocktail none of us can name. And I don't know whether I should be scared, or just dive in headfirst.